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Southern football vs. Northern football... just for kicks

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Southern football vs. Northern football... just for kicks

Postby Woodruff Star » Mon Dec 06, 2010 11:57 pm

Stadium Size:
NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

Campus Decor:
NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.

Homecoming Queen:
NORTH: Also a physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America..

Cheerleaders:
NORTH: If you are slightly coordinated, you make the varsity squad.
SOUTH: You begin cheer camp at age two, complete with ballet, dance, & gymnastic training.

Getting Tickets:
NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and purchase tickets.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus & put name on the waiting list.

Women's Accessories:
NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of Jack Daniels/Crown. Money is not necessary -- That's what dates are for.

Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:
NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, Because they have classes on Friday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see The few hung-over students that might actually make it to class and throw up on their floor.

Parking:
NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.
SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for The weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

Game Day:
NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the folks up north.

Tailgating:
NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthews' Band," who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.

Getting to the Stadium:
NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.
SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city.

Concessions:
NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than halfway with soda, to ensure enough room for Jack Daniels/Crown.

When National Anthem is Played:
NORTH: Stands are still less than half full.
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.

Smell in the Air After the First Score:
NORTH: Nothing changes.
SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of Jack Daniels/Crown.

Commentary (Male):
NORTH: "Nice play."
SOUTH: "*#@&@, you slow *&%$@#! - tackle him and break his legs."

Commentary (Female):
NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."
SOUTH: "*#@&@, you slow *&%$@#! - tackle him and break his legs."

Announcers:
NORTH: Neutral and paid.
SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.

After the Game:
NORTH: The stadium is emptying out.
SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker while somebody goes to The nearest package store for more bourbon. Planning begins for next week's game.
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Re: Southern football vs. Northern football... just for kicks

Postby cavaliereagle » Tue Dec 07, 2010 12:07 am

Priceless. You got my vote.
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Re: Southern football vs. Northern football... just for kicks

Postby Ramm » Tue Dec 07, 2010 12:47 am

this sounds alot like the chesterfield rams we have the greastest football coach and the greastest football team ever 2009 team untouchable....lets face the rams own chesterfield county....
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Re: Southern football vs. Northern football... just for kicks

Postby wildcatsback2back » Tue Dec 07, 2010 8:36 am

Woodruff Star wrote:Stadium Size:
NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

Campus Decor:
NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.

Homecoming Queen:
NORTH: Also a physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America..

Cheerleaders:
NORTH: If you are slightly coordinated, you make the varsity squad.
SOUTH: You begin cheer camp at age two, complete with ballet, dance, & gymnastic training.

Getting Tickets:
NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and purchase tickets.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus & put name on the waiting list.

Women's Accessories:
NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of Jack Daniels/Crown. Money is not necessary -- That's what dates are for.

Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:
NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, Because they have classes on Friday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see The few hung-over students that might actually make it to class and throw up on their floor.

Parking:
NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.
SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for The weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

Game Day:
NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the folks up north.

Tailgating:
NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthews' Band," who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.

Getting to the Stadium:
NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.
SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city.

Concessions:
NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than halfway with soda, to ensure enough room for Jack Daniels/Crown.

When National Anthem is Played:
NORTH: Stands are still less than half full.
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.

Smell in the Air After the First Score:
NORTH: Nothing changes.
SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of Jack Daniels/Crown.

Commentary (Male):
NORTH: "Nice play."
SOUTH: "*#@&@, you slow *&%$@#! - tackle him and break his legs."

Commentary (Female):
NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."
SOUTH: "*#@&@, you slow *&%$@#! - tackle him and break his legs."

Announcers:
NORTH: Neutral and paid.
SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.

After the Game:
NORTH: The stadium is emptying out.
SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker while somebody goes to The nearest package store for more bourbon. Planning begins for next week's game.


Wow, its sounds like southern football is where its at... the BIG HOUSE, Michigans stadium is the only place that will hold all of you'all..110,000 seats, not 20,000
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Re: Southern football vs. Northern football... just for kicks

Postby TIM » Thu Dec 09, 2010 7:54 am

without a doubt, this is all true! football is a religion in the south.
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Re: Southern football vs. Northern football... just for kicks

Postby 89StateChamp » Thu Dec 09, 2010 8:48 am

Ramm wrote:this sounds alot like the chesterfield rams we have the greastest football coach and the greastest football team ever 2009 team untouchable....lets face the rams own chesterfield county....


The Rams own Chesterfield County? You have bumped your drunken head really hard, my friend. The Rams are a force to be reckoned with- but the last five years does not a PROGRAM make. We in C'field county are really proud of you guys, but while you have had recent sucess rember that Central and Cheraw have been doing it for years.
IF FOOTBALL IS YOUR RELIGION, PREPARE TO MEET YOUR MAKER
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